Indian Friend With Long Hair

Indian friend with long hair is a person who I would describe as being an amiable man. He also goes with the flow and very few things irk him – or so I thought.

At Kilama’s which is both a shop and bar where he drinks from, there is a Billy goat that is tied to a tree on the way to the washrooms – if at all they can be called washrooms.

As far as I am aware, Billy Goat does not bother anybody though at times it takes on an aggressive stance when you walk past him. But it is all harmless and I am sure Billy Goat does it in a joking manner.

One day Indian Friend with Long Hair comes back from the washrooms all hot and bothered. When asked what had irked him, he said he been involved in a fight with Billy Goat.

His story sounded a trifle farfetched for why would he get involved in a melee with Billy Goat? But he had and he says when he walked past it, Billy Goat adopted a menacing stance – something that did not go down well with him so there was a need to assure him (Billy Goat).

Okay so he didn’t exactly tell us how he had goofed Billy Goat save for throwing a punch at him. However, when I walked past Billy Goat he showed no signs of being dazed from the punch he was supposed to have received.

Rather Billy Goat was in an ecstatic mood. So ecstatic he was that he was sporting an erection that would make most she-goats blush. And that got me thinking. Did Billy Goat think that Indian Friend with Long Hair was a she-goat? Was Indian Friend with Long Hair rather peeved that Billy Goat had chosen to show him his erection and perhaps had rubbed himself against Indian Friend with Long Hair as he walked past? To Indian Friend with Long Hair, is it possible that my version of events could be correct?

Still with Indian Friend with Long Hair, he has been a ‘naughty boy’ in that he chose to get LP pregnant thrice. Perhaps he has not exactly been a naughty boy because these days more and more couples are opting to have children before they married. What LP’s parents thought or said when she got pregnant, that we don’t know.

Last week he decided to pop the question and LP went into a frenzied spell that only the female species would be able to understand. Like somebody with a bad stammer she kept on saying: “I’m going to get married” over and over again.      

But why couldn’t she take it in her stride like Indian Friend with Long Hair did or I did? We were blasé about it all and merely ordered for another beer each while asking ourselves where Affande went and what time the pork man would turn up.

Four hours later and in the background and in all the noise from a football match on television, the local drunk blabbering gibberish and the passing traffic, I could still hear the unmistakable words of “I’m going to get married’ being uttered by LP.

In seeing LP so happy and in a happiness that I have never seen on her before, Indian Friend with Long Hair, you had better come through and marry her for if you don’t, don’t be surprised when one evening she comes bed with a machete!